i thought i knew what hectic was.

until november hit.

Between balancing full time graduate school, work, TAing, finding a salary job in Pensacola, arranging my whole thing with school down south, my thesis, planning a wedding, and a move across the country? I am WAY in over my head!

Please keep praying for me ; it seems that things are beginning to fall into place. School at UWF is set up for me ; and i can transfer all of my classes to NYU no problem, thanks to my fabulous advisor at NYU. I will be receiving an NYU degree at a fraction of the cost! Looks like my couponing has gone to the ultimate extreme- I'm even saving on college tuition at one of the priciest schools in the country (;  I pray that nothing springs up at the last second to ruin things for me! Hopefully, my job hunt will be OVER, if i ace my upcoming interview. I don't think I've ever been so scared for an interview in my life. Once that's over, I can start budgeting my new salary and figure out whether or not i need to get a new car! if you know anyone who knows anything bout buying or selling or trading in cars, please let me know.

Now, thankfully, I can focus on my finals and pull off that 3.67 i am hoping for, and get a 3.5 GPA ! This month of december is going to be one crazy 30 days. and it's only just getting started.

Christmas? what's that?

because Sam and Kristy told me to.

I have been harassed to update my blog :P So here it is!

Let's go chronologically:

June:
Carlos got assigned to Intermediate, which he completed
I flew down to florida for his 23rd birthday, which I am very grateful I was able to do.

July:
I was in New York doing classes the entire month. He was in flight school continuing intermediate. He had an opportunity to go to the Airshow in Wisconsin one weekend, which was great for him, but not so great now that I look back on it. He got food poisoning, but felt guilty calling IMSAFE (which is the code for , " i can't fly cause i'm gonna screw up") so he flew and did terribly. the XO wasn't too pleased, especially because Carlos wanted E-2s and the XO is an E-2 guy.

August:

I finished my summer classes and was still unemployed, so I spent the rest of the month (until labor day ) in Florida. Very blessed for that 3 weeks with him! Of course, i kept in constant touch with my family at home :)

Carlos was scheduled to finish intermediate any day now, so we started planning to move to Norfolk, VA. Where after the FRS, would determine if we stayed there, moved to Point Mugu (aka MALIBU), CA, or Japan. Me going down to Florida was also to help him pick our home and move our stuff. Of course, the day before I-grad, someone asks Carlos if he was interested in going P-3s instead. OF COURSE he said yes, because that's what he wanted all along. So the paperwork began and we were approved unanimously for JAX! That made me SO happy, because if we can't have Malibu, I wanted "real" Florida. A large city with plenty of career opportunity, and TWO HOURS FROM DISNEY. (and my grandparents, who were even more excited than we were). Unfortunately, the new commodore decided to overturn and reject all transfer requests, so now Carlos was stuck going back to E-2s....unless, of course, there were no more spots for him.

September:
I come back to NJ, because I had nowhere to live in NY. Carlos is still on the verge of not knowing what his job is/if he has one. I get housing in NY and move back. I love my new place and enjoy this area of town about a trillion times more than the East Village. Also helps that my roommate is not super rich and expects me to shit money out of my ass to go here, there and everywhere. In fact, she's the opposite. Whatever.

I love my classes. All of them. I TA for undergrads, intro to psych. My consumer behavior classes are fascinating, and my professor for cog psych is such a goofball, i can't help but like him too. I am really grateful for this!

we were afraid carlos was going to get a trident from the flight program, because they effed up his e-2 spot, and we didn't know if they'd send him anywhere else. we were prepared for the idea of him going civilian. it was a nerve wrecking time in our lives.

Carlos, however, was drafted to go to ADVANCED to fly jets. Now, nobody is more proud of him than I am (his parents , ok fine, but still, i rival them. i am his biggest cheerleader). but the fact that none of us WANTED jets really pisses me off. oh, and unless we end up in virginia beach, i can kiss any career goodbye. I need marketing/consulting opportunities , or my masters is useless. or some type of university. I am not paying almost 200k for an education i can't use. . He now wants f-18s out of Virginia. I am praying we get that. praying praying PRAYING.

october:
i flew down for the navy ball/my birthday/fall break. loved it. moved into a brand new place and its gorgeous. perfect for me, him and our cat :) . i am in the process of decorating from afar and he is very pleased with the living room furniture selection. we feel like grownups and its kind of exciting :)

carlos started advanced, and its not kicking his ass yet. yay!

i got a job as a party hostess at Dylan's Candy Bar. clearly putting my bachelor's degree and graduate school experience to work. that was dripping with sarcasm.

i turned 22. its okay, because i felt like i was literally 'forever 21".

i am planning to move down to pensacola, if i can find a job there, in january. i am transferring elective credits from UWF INTO NYU, and am working out the kinks with registering, etc. everything is approved, and i am very excited to be paying less than the price for ONE CLASS at NYU for four classes at UWF.

finally being with my fiancé and having a real job and my degree will just be absolute bliss. not that living with carlos is gonna be fun. he smells and can get really annoying. but that just means hell be a normal husband, which is fine by me. lol

looking forward to some great things happening! hopefully :D

sad, blah, mopey, blah

the title of this post is probably enough to make you want to just click the 'x' button, or say 'what is this girl going to complain about now?' but i promise, i make some valid points, even when I'm sad.

i never thought i'd be the one to say this, but i miss college. it hasn't even been a month after graduation, and i already miss it. but not for the reasons everyone else probably does. in fact, its for the exact opposite. you see, college life to a lot of people involves a lot of partying and drinking. i am not that person- i'll go out occasionally, when i am in the mood to . but i am just as content with staying in and hanging out. i am a very social person, but i'd prefer to go to apple bees or something with my friends and just chill rather than go to a bar. i love to dance, but i have to be in the mood to go out.

moving to new york sounds like every person's dream. and for a while, actually a very long time, it was mine too. i moved into my bedroom in my apartment, in alumni hall at new york university, and was ecstatic. unpacked my stuff and marveled that this was real life for me. i finally made it to my dream school. the next morning, i woke up. and realized that i essentially had nothing. i don't know anybody at this school. now, i can make friends. I'm a very social person, no matter what. but being a grad student, especially during the summer, doesn't really allow for many opportunities to make friends in class. so the people i talk to are my apartment mates. we all have single rooms in our apt. they are nice. actually two of them are nice girls. i do not like one of them, at all. but that's okay, i can deal. thats life. but what i realize about these people, and all of their friends i've met, is that these are not the people i want to socialize with. I'm sorry, but i don't really plan on taking ecstasy every night while blasting house music and getting wasted at the bar . i also don't sell drugs. my parents do not pay for my education, even though my dad makes a three figure salary. i am independent, even though i don't even have my bachelors degree mailed to my house yet. these are not the kind of people i want to associate myself with. it just makes me sick how these girls don't need to work because mommy and daddy give them money, which they spend on the stupidest shit. it makes me question their moral values. it is also very important to them who they know- perhaps that is just cause we are in the city. but its not everything in life.

i guess i just have different life perspective than these girls do. but sadly, most of the people here think lik ethat. which makes me question whether or not i belong here. i love the classes i can take and am registered for . but i do not like living in the city if these are the people I'm stuck with. i guess its a curse that I'm so social, because now i've been so alone and constantly on the phone and in my room. my roommates probably think I'm insane because i don't go out all the time with them. but thats just not me. it also helps that I'm engaged and they're all single. i joke around and call myself the old lady, but in reality, it doesn't have much to do with carlos.

having two of my friends from home visit me was absolutely phenomenal. not just cause i had people i knew, but because for a while, i felt like myself again. enjoying the city with people i know and love. having fun, being with my friends. talking and laughing.

i don't feel like myself here in new york. probably cause being myself in a situation i don't like, is not me. at all.

p-grad shenanigans

so on tuesday, the day after i moved into new york, carlos found out some pretty important news. after lots of hard work and dedication, he did not get selected for the p3 plane he wanted so badly. my heart broke for him. he took this very seriously, despite the fact that he did everything he was supposed to be selected. he was chosen to go to intermediate and fly jets instead. now you probably are thinking 'wow he's complaining cause he gets to fly jets?' well, we understand its a huge blessing and a great opportunity, but if carlos is unhappy, what is the point? there were many reasons we wanted p3/p8s, but now that we are going jets, we have to replan everything. i just feel so badly for him, because he feels that his hard work was unnoticed, and he was passed over 3 times. he had his heart set, which he cautioned himself against, but it still hurt. my only fear is that he hates his job. i hope that soon, he finds the good in his new job and everything works out!

i went from rutgers 2012 to nyu 2013....in two weeks.

On May 12th and 13th, 2012, one of my major life goals was accomplished. I graduated from college, and it was everything i thought it would be. Going to the RAC that Saturday, wearing my cap and gown and seeing all of the other psychology graduates there, lined up, made me realize that I, indeed, was graduating. iT WAS REAL. i never really felt like a college graduate up until that moment. the idea of graduating was sort of a burden because of the stress that planning brought with it. but sitting in that chair, looking up at the stands, at my mother, brother, sister, fiancé, and future mom, dad, and sister in laws, cheering me on, made everything so real. walking up to the stage was nerve wracking, but i got that piece of paper and a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. i am a college graduate. people work their whole lives for that moment, and that honor and i have achieved it at the age of 21. a lot of work, money, and craziness went into that, because my college journey was not as smooth as everyone else's. but it got me where i need to be, and i can't complain.

sunday was just as exciting. except it was much hotter, and i nearly passed out, but seeing my father's face after i walked up from the stadium made it all worthwhile. he is so proud of me, and my achievements. i hadn't wanted to go to the big graduation on sunday but i am glad i did, so both of my parents had the opportunity to see me graduate college!

i was really stressed out about college graduation itself, because my parents impending divorce makes arranging family situations much more difficult. dad does not want to be anywhere near mom, but mom wanted to be everywhere. at the same time, dad did nt want to be embarrassed of the divorce around my in laws, and also did not want to see any of my moms family . thankfully, that all worked out well.

as for post graduation worries? well, i was so anxious about not having a job for several months. i am NOT the kind of person who takes unemployment well, because i tend to spend money when i'm not doing anything. i can't sit still. however, i am trying to take it in stride, while focusing on other things, like settling into grad school!

i went from a phase where i LOVED ny, to a phase where i HATED being here, to a phase somewhere in between now. new york is definitely an adjustment. i moved to a brand new place that i still don't know so well, but at least i can get around by walking or subway. but most of all, i moved away from family and friends, and about an hour further from my fiancé. it sucks, but i'm trying. i was blessed with an amazing opportunity and i gotta continue with it!

here's to four years on the banks of the old raritan  ! and about a year in the big apple (:

how i know i made the right choice.

Life decisions are never easy. This one was probably the hardest of all . As time goes on, however, i am getting more and more certain that medical school was NOT for me. This article, puts that in perspective.

http://yourlife.usatoday.com/health/healthyperspective/post/2012-04-26/survey-shows-best-worst-paid-doctors----and-many-regrets/681256/1

NYU

So about 10 days ago, I got an email that changed my life. I was notified of my acceptance to New York University, again. This time, however, it was for my Master's Degree. I was in shock, ecstatic. I was given a second chance at my dream school.

I was bummed about not being able to move with Carlos after graduation, but we were both so very excited at the prospect, now reality, of me moving to the city for school. I felt on top of the world, nearly invincible. For almost 22 years, i've worked so very hard and it's paying off. i felt so proud of myself.

But now, as everything is starting to settle in, i am suffering from insane anxiety. trying to get everything done so quickly, while graduating, while studying, while working 5 days a week, while dealing with my family's bullshit, including playing chauffeur, is really getting to me. i'm definitely not the person to disappoint anyone, and i get shit done. but this is affecting my health and sanity.

lucklily, i got off of work pretty early, so i tried to start filling out loan applications and deposit. of course the site isn't working for me, so that's fun. but i tried googling the tuition that i have to pay, and it says 1380 per term per unit. So a 36 credit masters is almost 50 thousand dollars. without housing. i felt the wind, the hope, the excitement literally fly out of my body. i felt absolutely hopeless. i'm seriously considering not going anymore, because by the time i get these loans out, its gonna cost me nearly as much as my entire undergraduate loan, for ONE YEAR of graduate school. that is fucking INSANE. i can't even deal. I'm going to be in debt forever. now, a doctorate degree is looking pretty near impossible, financially. i'm going to be half a million dollars in debt by the time i finish school.

i really just want to cry hysterically right now. i can't deal with all of this stress. i'm not the kind of person who gives up and quits, but this is just so insane. i have way too much on my plate and i need to relax. but i have no TIME to relax.