ramble and word vomit.

Sometimes, I find it really funny that I want to blog, and write about everything I experience, and how I feel at the time. I think it could be really therapeutic if i kept up with it like I should. I feel that I don't have patience for anything anymore. I legitimately believe that I have some kind of ADD, or focusing problem. I have a lot of trouble remaining on task for more than a few minutes. Whether it is studying, paying attention, or whatever. Perhaps its just things that I don't find useful. Like school. Don't get me wrong , learning and education are very important and definitely put someone on an easier path to a successful career. and i dont plan on dropping out. i just find that the politics and the bullshit of school and college and most things in life really override the genuineness (is that a word)of  it. so many things in this world are meant to be useful and beautiful and great. but people screw them up. people and their greed or anger or selfishness, ruin it.

i've started cutting  people out of my life, because ive learned that there are many people i don't want to be like. the statement that you are  like the people you surround yourself with is very true. i have learned that i surrounded myself with people who were raised similarly to me.. however, it also became clear that i actually grew to become my own person, and matured with college and the dawning of real-world responsibilities, like bills and work and balancing one's life. it's just hilarious to me that people consider 'college' to be 'real life'. HELLO? studying for an exam is stressful,but it is NOT the real world. when mommy and daddy still support you, and allow for you to be able to focus entirely on your studies and social life, then consider yourself very lucky. however, don't cry when you get shoved into responsibility. sometimes my life is very stressful and i worry how i'll live after not working for a few days, but in the end, knowing that i can support myself at the age of 21 (and earlier) makes me feel like a successful person. I found the man that i'll love forever, i know how to survive on my own and independently, and i am working towards a brighter future for myself, which leads to a better life for my (future) family.

i guess i dont really know why this is such a big deal to me now, probably because i am a really social person who has decided to not keep in steady touch with over half of her friends. but acquaintances are always better, anyway.

i am really looking forward to a wonderful holiday, with family, my boyfriend back home in new jersey, and shopping! we are also going to look at engagement rings, which i really was not expecting, because i thought it would just remain a giant surprise till he proposed. but its really exciting to see that he feels ready enough for this. we definitely plan on being together for the long run, but its just so relieving andmakes this all REAL that we (okay, HE) is taking it seriously now! i can't wait to be engaged, marriage can wait, but i cannot wait to know for sure that carlos and i can start building our future together. i know its going to be bliss ! (okay, maybe im exaggerating, it'll probably consist of a lot of  exasperation and sighing and head-shaking, mostly cause of his videogames and constant farting) but hey, it could be worse?